FOURTEEN:The Poetry of List-Making

The Poetry of List-Making


First Love in Ten Bullet Points

“Describe your first love in five bullet points”

 

When I saw this line, I started thinking about my first love. Do I have a first love? Is that love? Maybe it is and maybe its not? Do I know the difference between love and infatuation? and more worse is the difference of Love and Pity. I decided to make it ten because five wasn’t enough to describe it. So, here it goes…

One: I was attracted, interested and curious about him

I was attracted to this man for like years and I tend to see him everyday because his house was a few blocks away from my house. He was my schoolmate, he’s a freak, he’s not my type at all, he’s horrible in every single way.

Two: We connected and I started to fall in love with him

I have seen his flaws, he showed me his true self, I accepted him. I was afraid of falling in love because I have never been in love before. Infatuated I guess, but I never encountered love. I started falling for him every single day, his gestures and words and I started to love all the things about him

Three: Second thoughts, is this how its supposed to be? I am afraid

We started to say I love you, yes I love you. However, I have second thoughts. Is this right? Do I love you? Or I just appreciate you and being thankful for keeping me company everytime I need someone to talk to. Am I doing it wrong? I accepted you, everything about you. I don’t know of its love or its more of I care for him every day.

Four: I think I was madly in love with you, that I became someone else

I introduced my true self to you, but I felt like you didn’t accept any of it. You wanted me to change, I wasn’t ready but, you wanted someone who can be so mature about it. I tried, because I realized how I am madly in love with you. Changing myself for you, was far worse than living without the idea of you.

Five: I became pathetic and I felt obnoxious, you left without a doubt

I tried my best to change and to suit up to all your demands, but I can’t. You left and I was shattered into pieces. That’s when I realize that it’s love, because I’ve been missing you a lot since the day you left, but you just disappeared and loved someone else.

Six: I hated you, and I was wrong about the idea of you loving me, because you wanted to love someone else and its not me

I hated you, it was my first heartbreak. It was a severe damaged not just to my heart, but even to my character. I used to know myself better, but I decided to change and cope up to your wishes and I forgot who I was before you came. I hated you for that. I know you never loved me, because you wanted to love someone else.

Seven: It was hard but it’s quite appealing

It was hard to accept that you left, that you wanted somebody else. Fortunately, after the mourning stage I’ve been through. I recognized myself again and I started to face the mirror again without shame of becoming someone’s puppet for their own use. I started loving myself even better. I started to forget the whole idea of his being.

Eight: He came back, I was fixed and carefree

He tried to win me back, he was so certain that I still love him. His self-esteem was definite. I agreed, behind my mind, I was thinking of having a revenge, a sweet revenge. Success, he thought that I was still madly in love with him. It was all hatred. I lied. I feel so bad, that I end up second guessing myself again. Do I still love him? Or its just that I’ve missed him so much.

Nine: I feel empty, but you changed! you weren’t like that before

I am guilty of planning to have a sweet revenge on hurting you the way you hurt me before. It was useless, you changed. I felt like you love me and you care for me. All your sweet talks and plans were fascinating, but it wasn’t like before. I thought that I still love you, but I didn’t. I started to feel empty and I hate breaking your heart because I know how it feels like to be broken apart, but I just can’t figure out what to do next.

Ten: I thought I can still love you just like before, but I fell out of love and I decided to leave you light hearted

I thought I can still love you the way I love everything about you before. But I can’t. I forgiven you and I hope you can now forgive me because I left you behind. I never thought of falling out of love and feeling so worthy about leaving you behind. I used to love you. I used to.

 

Sometimes second chances means closure, and heartbreaks are just the start of new beginning.

 

I thought I wasn’t able to post anything for this week’s discover challenge but I did! How about you? Tell me about your first love! 🙂

 

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3 Comments

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  1. It these ten points were a chronological stage, I would say that I’m at #7 in the scale. In my case, my past love has definitely left a permanent gap in my heart, but then I had no other choice but to press forward, move on, and start to appreciate myself more. However, I may make a slight turn from all this cycles because at the end of the day, I still cannot lie that she’s still important to me.

    Does time heal all wounds?

    Liked by 1 person

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