I hate disappointments
I hate disapprovals
I hate insanity
and I hate my world sometimes
I’ve been questioning myself since last week on what am I doing wrong, why do I feel so incomplete and why can’t I give my one hundred percent on the things I used to love.
I hate taking risks, I’m frightened and anxious about what it can be
I’m so tired of being not honest to myself and to humanity of what I truly feel
I hate being unwanted, not being enough to one’s needs and not be able prove anything to myself
I’m tired of self-reflections, conversation between me and my soul and the fact that I can’t realize what’s wrong with me
I used to be so precise, organize and very particular about the things I wanted to achieve
I didn’t know what happened
I’m so nervous and terrified of the future
I’m so tired of having high hopes on the things that I used to believe in
My worn out soul crying for some help
I’ve never been these weak and weary at all
Sometimes I wanna scream and shout to the world all my problems
But for fucking sake I can’t figure what words might properly fit in, for this world to understand what I’m feeling right now
I spent half of my life practicing and mastering how to love unrequitedly
I even brag about it
But not until this moment when I realized that I’m lost
I’m consumed by this whole confusion and introspection
What can I do to make things work like how it used to be three months ago?
How can I be the person I wanted to be in the future?
Should I allow myself to understand the truth that unrequited love is destructive and pathetic?
Should I believe that being obnoxious and distressed isn’t healthy for me?
Should I stop this aimless palaver with myself?
But how can I start?
Please tell me how.