Floating introspection

I hate disappointments

I hate disapprovals

I hate insanity

and I hate my world sometimes

I’ve been questioning myself since last week on what am I doing wrong, why do I feel so incomplete and why can’t I give my one hundred percent on the things I used to love.

I hate taking risks, I’m frightened and anxious about what it can be

I’m so tired of being not honest to myself and to humanity of what I truly feel

I hate being unwanted, not being enough to one’s needs and not be able prove anything to myself

I’m tired of self-reflections, conversation between me and my soul and the fact that I can’t realize what’s wrong with me

I used to be so precise, organize and very particular about the things I wanted to achieve

I didn’t know what happened

I’m so nervous and terrified of the future

I’m so tired of having high hopes on the things that I used to believe in

My worn out soul crying for some help

I’ve never been these weak and weary at all

Sometimes I wanna scream and shout to the world all my problems

But for fucking sake I can’t figure what words might properly  fit in, for this world to understand what I’m feeling right now

I spent half of my life practicing and mastering how to love unrequitedly

I even brag about it

But not until this moment when I realized that I’m lost

I’m consumed by this whole confusion and introspection

What can I do to make things work like how it used to be three months ago?

How can I be the person I wanted to be in the future?

Should I allow myself to understand the truth that unrequited love is destructive and pathetic?

Should I believe that being obnoxious and distressed isn’t healthy for me?

Should I stop this aimless palaver with myself?

But how can I start?

Please tell me how.




One Comment Add yours

  1. Cezane & Michelle says:

    I can kinda relate to the things your going through, but having read this entire post i say that most of the matter comes from the mind, which is creating an instability within you. All you need to do is listen to your heart and let your mind guide it wisely. – Cezane

    Liked by 1 person

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